SALIGIA

[czarina_kitty]

Title:  SALIGIA 
Characters: Suzie Costello
Rating/Warnings:  PG-13, character death (canon)
Spoilers: Everything Changes and They Keep Killing Suzie
Summary:  Sins are like potato chips, you can’t have just one.
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor make any money from the use of, these characters.
Notes: Written for the tw_lucky_7 challenge for the character of Suzie, sin: any. 

 

Pride
Even as a young child Suzie knew she was different from the other children.  She knew she was smarter, knew she was better.  She laughed at those around her that struggled with concepts and problems that were intuitive for her.  She scoffed at childhood games and preferred the company of adults.  She was proud of her vocabulary and of her ability to discuss adult topics at an adult level.  Her parents never told her so, but she knew that they were as proud of her as she was of herself, that she was everything they wanted her to be, and that she surpassed them in many ways.  She knew that this feeling of superiority she felt was completely justified.

 Envy
The downside to being smarter than everyone else was that she never truly fit in anywhere.  She did better in groups where she was somehow the odd one out.  Whether she be the oldest, youngest, only female, or what have you, she fit better into a group when there was an obvious reason she did not fit.  Somehow, everyone took her eccentricities to be because of the obvious difference and overlooked the fact that she was, in fact, just different.  She was fine with her difference, proud of them even, but at the same time she found she was more than just a little bit envious of those around her.  She longed to find that place where she belonged, where she truly fit, where she did not need to censor her thoughts and could truly be herself.  She envied those around her for their ease in social situations and for the peace they felt when surrounded by friends.

Sloth
She never studied, never seemed to pay attention in class, was never seen doing homework or the required reading, but still she maintained the top scores in her year.  It wasn’t until her first year at university that she realized just how much she didn’t know, how much she had missed.  Suddenly, surrounded by others who were the top at their own schools, she had to compete for the first time with those on an equal footing.  She could no longer coast if she wanted to win.  But, after so many years of succeeding without effort, she had no idea how to try and actually having to work for something made it feel like failure.  And if she was destined to failure anyway, she reasoned, why not take the easy path.  Why put in the work when she knew it would not be enough? 

 Lust
When Suzie was recruited for Torchwood Three, it was like a whole new world opened up to her, a world were she finally fit in.  Where she had seen herself as merely existing, she now felt a purpose, a reason.  There were so many things that she could see, so many puzzles to be solved, and no need to compete with anyone.  She could use her native gifts and know that if she could not find the answer, no one else could either.  She found the freedom and the challenge rewarding and, for the first time ever, began to truly enjoy life.  She discovered needs that she had always suppressed and desires that she had long dismissed.  She found a new lust for life and a willing bedmate in Owen, someone she could both be close to and keep at a distance from, knowing that he was the best at what he did, but still no match for her.   For the first time in her life she felt like she belonged and wanted this life to continue.

Greed
Working for Torchwood Suzie knew that she would die someday, likely sooner rather than later.  She knew this, but refused to accept it.  Why should she die and stay dead when she could find a way around it, a way to keep her self alive even if it was at the expense of others.  Suzie knew she was entitled to take what she wanted.  She was responsible for saving so many lives and taking a few for her own means would nowhere near balance the scales.  She could use the lives and deaths of others to advance her own cause and not feel guilty, whether it be for the murders she committed in her search to understand the glove, or for the murders committed in her name to be sure she would be woken later.

Gluttony
But that was never enough.  She wanted to live while she had the chance, spending her days in her quest for immortality and her nights in Owen’s bed.  She wanted to experience everything life had to offer, not just the sex and food and drugs, but the companionship of others, the ease in relationships that had always eluded her.  She found she could not truly connect with anyone without sharing the details of her life and that she could not share without being certain that no one would remember.  It was a selfish thing to do, she knew, but she could not stop herself from having just one conversation, one more moment of connection, one more evening that only she would remember.  One more chance to be sure she was remembered after she was gone.

Wrath
Being replaced so quickly, so lightly, was worse than dying.  Knowing that Jack had found someone before her body was even cold was an insult.  Learning that she was regarded in such low esteem that a common PC could replace her was the final straw.  She had been sure that she was irreplaceable, that she would be mourned and remembered, not merely placed in a cryo-chamber and forgotten about.   But, faced with the evidence to the contrary, she was very glad that it was Gwen who had used the glove.  Suzie could have her revenge on this imposter, knowing that both Owen and Jack would be hurt at the same time made it all the sweeter.  And demonstrating Gwen’s own stupidity, gullibility, and vulnerability in the process was just icing on the cake.