Leviathan’s Sin: Invidia

[czarina_kitty]

Title: Leviathan’s Sin: Invidia
Characters: Rhys Williams
Rating/Warnings:  PG-13
Spoilers: Slight for Combat, Meat, and COE Day 3
Summary: Rhys wants what Gwen has.
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor make any money from the use of, these characters.
Notes: Written for the tw_lucky_7 challenge for the sin envy. 

 

 

There were very few things in Rhys Williams’ life that he was sure of, but there was a long list of things he doubted.  He would never admit to anyone just how many things he doubted:  his intelligence, his strength, his purpose in life.  In his quieter moments he wondered what Gwen saw in him, what had attracted her to him in the first place, and he doubted his ability to keep a woman like Gwen Cooper.  He doubted both his memory and his sanity at times, more and more frequently since Gwen transferred to Special Ops..  He doubted his worth as a man and had lost his faith in a higher power a long time ago.  But the one thing that Rhys Williams was absolutely sure of—totally, completely, 100%, no doubt in his mind, sure--was that he had a good life (was straight).  He had a good job that he enjoyed (He fancied women, always had, and had no--none, nada, zero, zilch--interest in men).  He made good money to support himself and maybe someday a family. He had friends and a wonderful woman to share his home. (Sure, he had male friends, but they were all straight as well, and he had never really considered whether any of them were attractive, not even in an abstract, completely heterosexual manner.)
            That one certainty (two certainties) was (were), recently, a large part of why Rhys doubted his sanity. 

Rhys knew that he should be concerned about all the time Gwen spent at her new job (with her new boss), the late night call outs, cancelled plans, and airy announcements that, no, she wasn’t hungry, she had eaten at work (with Jack).  The nights that she came home having showered and changes clothes and the nights that she did not come home at all.  The telephone calls taken outside and the obviously coded conversations when they were taken in his presence.  The unexplained injuries and the general sense of boredom with everyday life.  Rhys was not stupid, he knew what the signs all pointed to.  He knew that Gwen was settling into her new job (attracted to Jack) and that she was drifting further away from him each day (the flirting went both ways).  He knew he should worry, but he couldn’t.  What he felt regarding the relationship between Gwen and her new job (Jack) was not hurt.  It was not betrayal.  It was envy.  And Rhys was sure that it was not just the new job (Jack’s relationship to Gwen) that he envied, but the new life it was exposing her to (Gwen’s relationship to Jack). 

Rhys knew without a doubt that he was happy (straight).  He had always known that.  But somehow, there was something different about this (about Jack).  Something that drew Rhys to Gwen’s new life (to Jack). Something that made him less concerned about labels and more willing to consider alternatives.  Something that made Rhys jealous of Gwen, made him want what she had.  Something that made the thought of Gwen having a new life (having an affair) tolerable.  Something that made him hope that maybe she would find a new life (lover), because that just might lead to his experiencing something new (threesome) and to his chance to explore and discover just what it was about this new world (Jack) that drew him in. 

Eventually, though, Rhys realized that Gwen was shutting him out (that the only affair that Gwen was likely to have with Jack was emotional).  In a way, this was oddly disappointing.  Gwen was his link to this new world (Jack) and to Torchwood, and if she was not going to share (if she wasn’t gorgeous enough for Jack to shag), what chance did he have?  He knew there was precious little he could offer to gain entrance into this world (to attract Jack’s attention), that there were others who were smarter, prettier, or whatever it was that lead Gwen to be chosen for this life (Rhys knew that Gwen would take the chance and have the affair with Jack if it was offered, her affair with Owen had proved that much, and yes, he knew about that—Gwen wasn’t the only one to break through ret-con induced amnesia).  Finding a way into Torchwood, a way into this world of wonder rather than waiting for Gwen to bring him into it, became a mild obsession.  Rhys knew he would do whatever he could to be involved (to be near this person that so intrigued him).  But, even then, after gaining access this secret world, after being admitted to the one part of Gwen’s life he had always wished were his, he realized that it was not Gwen’s life (relationship with Jack) that he was truly envious of, but the promise of something more.

(Rhys Williams knew that he was straight.  He was not interested in men.  It was Jack that he was interested in, and only Jack.  He knew that Ianto and Jack were together and that they wanted to be alone.  But Rhys couldn’t help but to be petty and spiteful, ignoring their hints.  He wanted to be that close to Jack, and envied Ianto for having that chance.)